my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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