no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
