Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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