she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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