he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
