If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
