He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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