We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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