Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
