..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dear god my vagina.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
