he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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