My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize