in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
