my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
