honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize