Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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