he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
