i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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