Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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