Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
