on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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