Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
