He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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