$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
