it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
