Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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