If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
