Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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