Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
