I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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