There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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