You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
