Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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