At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
