I hate your face
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
