He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
