the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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