hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize