So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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