Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
