The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
