she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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