My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
