also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
