You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
