He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize