she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize