i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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