smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is classic penis vs brain.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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