I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
