I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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