I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
