he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize