my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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