I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
