How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
