Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In other news, I just burned my penis
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
