the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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