he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
